Greetings to you! I’m glad you are back to read another post from me. I hope you all survived Mother’s Day 2023. If you are like me, your mother is no longer on the Earth plane. My Mother Dear, as she was affectionately called by my sisters and I, passed away October 5th, 2018 and my dear sister, Rita (my 2nd mom), October 16, 2018. There are many things in life that you should and can get over for instance, an argument with a really good friend, a headache, or even the flu. Imagine how much pain and torment you would be carrying around if you could never move on or forget. With that being said, it is a mistake to think that all painful experiences can or should be forgotten or as the world thinks “just get over it.”
Many of us who have experienced a loss (and no not just meaning death, that is the industry I’m in) will tell you that healing isn’t always about moving on especially when it is a loved one that has had an enormous impact on our lives. I suffered two losses within 11 days of each other and I can tell you, this has been one of the MOST PAINFUL experiences that I’ve gone through thus far. I understand death may be a topic others may not want to tackle but at some point death will happen to someone you love. The mere thought of grief and loss lasting forever may be upsetting to the ones who’ve not experienced it. For the ones that have experienced grief it is truly a one day at a time process. However, over time as you find support, coaching , counseling, and learn coping skills you will change your relationship with grief.
With that being said, Someone asked me a question. “How did you know you were coming through grief?” In other words what were some signs that I recognized about myself and my healing journey. Here goes.
- Say her name. When I was able to say her name with out having a full break down. I knew that I was making progress through my journey of grief. Just the mention of her name, tears would roll down my face and I would have to excuse myself in order to get myself together.
- Acceptance. I had to accept that she was not coming back. I have the unforgettable memories of our time together. I have many pictures and keepsakes that I will treasure.
- Decide. I made a decision that I was going to grieve for however long and I would do it on my terms. I did not or will not allow someone to dictate how long I shall grieve for one of the most important individuals in my life. I knew I had to regain clarity and focus for myself.
- Give the emotion a voice. When I was able to sit with the emotion of anger. I had to give the emotion(s) a voice. In other words, I had to be very truthful with myself and how I was feeling. Grief does not follow any set stages in my book.
- Feel How You Feel. Around holidays, birthdays, special occasions, I may not “feel” like participating. And I don’t. It has been almost five years for me and I still shed tears. I don’t run from the emotion, I feel it. I sit with it and breathe through it in order to carry on with my day and journal if need be.
I hope you know there are a plethora of emotions that grief can and will bring. You may feel 10 emotions at one time and that is okay. You are normal. Truly, I am blogging to help someone through this thing called life. If one person reads this blog and they the information helpful and useful, I’ve done my job. Everyone will not know or understand how you feel. To my grievers, if you have someone that is truly concerned about your well-being, let them assist you in finding the support you need.
You can follow me on TicTok, IG, Youtube: Hands On Death for more helpful and useful content.
Until next week. Take Care of Yourself.
Respectfully,
The Grief Educator